My Unplanned Pregnancy: When God's Plan Is Better
I remember saying to the nurse, “So this is going to sound really funny… I’m not pregnant. I know that. But my husband thinks I might be so I’m just here just to get him to leave me alone about it.”
She looked at me with the greatest “poor thing” expression and was off with my urine.
I remember sitting in the patient room alone for what seemed like hours (but was only about 20 minutes) waiting for the results.
I couldn’t be pregnant.
How could I be pregnant?
I’m not pregnant.
I’m not pregnant.
I kept repeating those thoughts over and over again.
Okay, so I know how I could be pregnant… But it still seemed too unreal. We had only been married a little over a month. We were still in the honeymoon phase where each day is bliss and you don’t notice how messy the other person can be. We were still getting used to living together and sharing our lives. We were still trying to figure out a budget and what foods we agreed on. Heck, we were still growing up. Mark and I got married relatively “young” – I was 21 and he was 26. We wanted our first year of marriage to be all about dreaming and saving and planning…
But here I was… waiting to hear news that had the potential to completely change the course of our lives.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably pretty well-acquainted with me and know the ending.
The doctor smiled and said, “Congratulations – you’re pregnant!”
I wish I could say that that was all I needed to hear. I wish I could say that I happily skipped to Target and began to purchase everything in the baby aisle. I wish I could say that I was filled with joy and thankfulness.
But I wasn’t.
I felt shocked. Unprepared. Completely unsure of myself.
Prior to getting married, I told Mark I wanted to wait ten years to have a child. I was a woman with a plan... and that plan didn’t include babies. I wanted to focus on my writing. I wanted to get a job doing what I loved. I wanted to see the world. I found myself newly pregnant and terribly discouraged. How would having a child affect my future? Would I still be able to accomplish my goals? Would I still see my dreams come true? And what about our marriage? Would this be the “end” of our romance and fun?
Would having a child really change everything?
Yes, it did.
I’ll never forget my first ultrasound. I’ll never forget seeing this little ball with a head on the screen. Something instantly changed. I was in love - truly and hopelessly. I no longer saw my pregnancy as an inconvenience. Something clicked – I knew I was always meant to be a mom.
Fast forward to Legend being six months old this week… I’m still ridiculously in love.
As cliché as it seems, motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Having a child has brought so much joy in our lives. Our child has helped us realize that the small stuff is truly small. Our child has taught us to slow down and to cherish each memory and “first.” Our child has made our marriage stronger and better than ever.
As for dreams… if anything, my son has helped me to dream bigger. To hustle harder. To be willing to take risks and do what others say you can’t. My son motivates me to work as hard as possible – to be the kind of example he needs. Since having Legend, God has opened so many doors. I’m able to use my words (all that I ever wanted) to encourage other moms. I’ve been able to use this gift of motherhood to meet so many other incredible women who are also raising babies and chasing their dreams.
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
When I experienced my unplanned pregnancy, I thought it would be the end of my own plans and dreams. And in a way… it was.
And I’m so glad.
God had something so much better for my life and His plan is more beautiful than anything I could have dreamed of. God wanted me to dream bigger and I truly believe He used my son to be the courage I needed. I’m in love with this adventure and I’m so excited to continue to see His plan at work.
P.S. My Bardot romper is from Verity and I'm in love!